Thursday, December 29, 2011

New Year and Hopefully New Beginnings, Finally

It's been about a month and a half since I last posted. So much has gone on and I guess I needed to get through these first holidays without my son. Since my last post we have bought a new house and moved. Today we are finishing up at the old house, getting it cleaned and last bits moved out so that we can get it rented. I still have lots to unpack in the new house but once the old is sorted we can get working on the new. In our new house I have an entire sewing/crafting room all to myself and that is going to be where I start organizing. The rest of the house is livable and I need a retreat. Also, I have so many ideas I've pinned on Pinterest and saved to my bookmarks from other blogs I read that I want to try! If you haven't been to Pinterest it is a must see. A fountain of ideas for everything you can think of!

My mornings Monday-Friday are spent helping take care of my Step-Dad. He is in end stage COPD and bed bound with Hospice care. My Mom and sister both work and I stay until my sister gets home from her job that is allowing her to work only half days right now.

My goal for 2012 is to move forward with my life without Kyle, to learn to heal, to laugh, to love without one of my own to take care of. I think the way I will do this is through my sewing and crafting. Who knows, maybe I can turn it into a business :) Blogging about these adventures is going to be a part of all that and I am going to make a huge effort to do more of it!

P.S. I found Silhouette vinyl at Hobby Lobby!!! I didn't check to see if they had other products in the Silhouette line but I will look next time I go and have more time. I'm really excited about this to not have to pay shipping. I want to say it was a 9"x10' roll for $7.99 and to use coupons???? WOOT!

Monday, November 14, 2011

A Contest from Times of Old Creations!

A friend of mine has been selling primitives on Etsy now for a few years but has started a new venture. She has opened an Ebay store and is having a giveaway for one of the gorgeous ornaments she has available. She is giving away three of them so get on over to her blog Times of Old Creations and get signed up! Her store has some really cute things in it and just in time for Christmas shopping :)

Sunday, October 30, 2011

First Craft Fair 2011

So yesterday we had our first craft fair of the season. What a crappy day. First off they put our table in a room opposite the direction of the big room and there were only two of us in that room as vendors. Everyone paid and went right never looking our way. On their way out, after doing their double and triple runs through the big room, they saw us on the way out. In their mind though they were already done shopping :(

I did ok and it was worth my time. I wish I had been more prepared though as at 3pm the night before I had not ONE finished product haha. I stayed up all night with NO sleep and got a bunch of things done. I was able to whip up 15 bibs, 15 burp cloths, 6 packs of heart shaped and other shaped crayons (6 to a pack) and I made a tagged toy with a squeaker for babies with flannel and minky which was a spur of the moment idea but I got 6 done and only came home with 2 of those. Guess what I'll be making more of!?!?  My mom makes jewelry and she was pretty disappointed but I told her the next one will be amazing and I hope she's not too discouraged. I also told her Etsy is going to be a great place for her things after the holidays. My other friend Missy who normally blows out of her rice bags and coasters only sold one of each. I don't think we'll do that fair again next year.

We have to get ready now for November 12th at Morris and November 19th in Galeton and the big one on December 3rd for Wellsboro's Dicken's of a Christmas. Did I mention I'm moving in the middle of all this?!?!? What a wild ride the next month will be.

Saturday, October 22, 2011

Happy 16th Birthday Kyle


Sixteen years ago today, you came into this world
Without a breath, without a cry
Who knew you’d leave the same
I held your hand, I watched you grow
Dried your tears and held you near
You’d sleep with me when you were scared
Your fears safely held at bay
Those big brown eyes, that boyish smile
Captured your Momma’s heart
Your dreams were big, your goals thought out
You’d only just begun
Today was supposed to be, your favorite birthday of all
A car from Dad, silly gifts from mom and money from your Grandma
Peanut butter frosted brownies that only someone who loves you can make
Instead….
Balloons at the cemetery, words of love and sadness
A family gathers to remember a boy just becoming a man
Taken too soon, loved SO much
Forgotten never



Wednesday, October 19, 2011

Sew Little Time

My days are full....... just plain full.

We are definitely buying the new house so I have been working tirelessly to go through everything we have in this huge house and down sizing immensely. I'm glad our closing isn't until November 23rd because I'm going to need all the time I can get. I've had to go through a lot of Kyle's things, deciding what to keep. Sometimes it's the silliest things that I can't part with but I just go with what my heart tells me. I still haven't touched his room but that will come in time.

While I'm trying to pack I am also sewing. Our first craft fair is October 29th and I am not ready in the least. I have a lot of things cut out and pinned together I just need to make a schedule for myself I think of what I'm doing when to make time for everything.

My Sarcoidosis is back out of remission. Only 3 months was all it could muster to stay hidden. I'm back on 40mg of Prednisone a day to keep it at bay until I can start my new treatment with Remicade. I'm battling a nasty chest cold right now which I may have to break down and go to the doctor for something. I'm not sick anywhere else, no stuffy nose or head but my cough is nasty and my chest rattling. At least the Prednisone keeps the pain from the Psioratic Arthritis at bay as well. Gotta love two auto immune diseases that can be calmed down with the same thing.

Wow, what a downer post!!!! I promise for joy and happiness next time :)

Wednesday, October 5, 2011

Non Sewing Craft!

Normally I am not creative nor do I even attempt things but today I had a mission.

I wanted to try using spray paint. I admit, I am 40 years old and have never used spray paint. I've read lots of blogs and collected things at the Goodwill and yard sales to use it on but have never really done it. Well, today is the day! I foolishly didn't take before photos but the wire basket and the other pieces were all just plain white and bleh looking. The basket also had a little bit of rust. This is what I did with them!



I think they turned out quite cute if I do say so myself!

The last project I did today was for my son's resting place. I decided I wanted Kyle to have something for Halloween so he'd know I was thinking of him. I used two butternut squash and some white spray paint to make them look like ghosts. I should have used something different but I really had no idea and used a permanent marker for the ghost face. Next time I'll do better :) I'm still happy with them as my first attempt and I took them to the cemetery today with his new mums. This was also my first attempt with the spray paint so I had a lot to learn about dripping and such.


I'm excited to try some new things later on. The basket I got for $1.00 and the flowers and bee I got for $0.75 in a baggie. Now they look brand new!


Thursday, September 29, 2011

New Beginnings

Well we've done it. Took the plunge to buy a new house and sell our current home. We signed the papers yesterday for an agreement and now it begins. I'm very excited and really feel I need this new start. It has been very strange looking for a house and not having to include Kyle in the equation but I've talked to him in my head and told him what we've been doing. This house just seems so different now without him and does not have the meaning it used to. I run so many errands I'm rarely home to get housework, sewing, cooking or anything else done. I need a place I don't feel I am running away from to call home.

This one is actually in town. Right now we are 15-20 minutes outside of town so this will save a lot in gas. It also puts us closer to my daughter's job that I'm running her back and forth to as she doesn't have her driver's license yet. My mom lives another 15 minutes the opposite way out of town so it was taking me a half hour to go visit her. Now just a quick trip and I'll be there! I'm very excited about that. Another bonus is that it's on a street that leads to one of the entrances into the cemetery where Kyle lays. I'll be able to just walk to see him each day and it'll be exercise.

It has a nice open plan with 3 bed rooms, 1 1/2 bathrooms, a living room and a study. A nice big kitchen which we can put our stacking washer and dryer in so I don't have to do laundry in the basement. The attic has been done into usable space but not really living space so my husband will put his painting things up there and we can do crafts up there. One of the bedrooms is to be my sewing room. I am SO excited!!! There are quite a few built in features likes shelves, pantry, cupboards in the bedroom, and even a desk in the sewing room. It has a front and back porch, a nice small yard like we want. All we want is enough room for the dogs to go out. No green thumbs in this house! There is a shed in the backyard to put the lawnmower and tools and such. We have a driveway so we don't have to park on the street but there is no garage. We don't mind though.

Now I have to figure out how to sew for craft fairs and pack and organize :)

Monday, September 19, 2011

Goal Two..... Plans Changed!

I was too anxious to get started so I made a new cutting table. I simply got out the card table and set it up in front of the TV and spent ALL weekend cutting! I don't have an exact count but I cut bibs, burp cloths, tagged blankets and tagged toys both front and back AND got them pinned. All I have to do now is sew them assembly line like and should have loads done for this weekend. If I can get them done I am going to do the first craft show with my mother who has been making necklaces and earrings.

Friday I went to a bunch of yard sales looking for some deals and had a great time. I found a sale where there were tables and tables and tables of fabric, boxes of yarn, 100's of free patterns and anything you can think of for crafting. Signs for the fabric said $1.00 a piece so I got a box and filled it up. I got a lot of cute vintage pieces of baby and children's fabric and a few every day vintage pieces. They only charged me $11.00 for the whole box and when I got home I counted 22 pieces of varying sizes of fabric. Probably 90% of them were at least a yard!

I have so many other projects I want to try but I must get some things together that I can sell. Once I get a bulk batch of things I can experiment with all the fun things I've found out in blogland!

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

Goal One.... Check!

I have a confession to make. I have not sewn since last December. I have bought A LOT of fabric and supplies but have sewn nothing. My poor sewing machine has looked at me as if forsaken but today I cleaned off my sewing table, wiped down my sweet little sewing machine, organized my sewing supplies and set an 8 x 10 photo of my handsome son to the right of my machine. I've spent so much time trying to not be home and around everything that everything has suffered. My house, my cleaning, my hobbies, my family, my poor dogs even. I need to get motivated though because the craft fairs for Christmas are going to be here before I know it and I won't be ready. I can't do that to myself because I enjoy my sewing and I enjoy the people at the fairs. I have also spent a good deal of time looking for other ideas to sew for the fairs and am anxious to try them out as well.

I also want to try out some non-sewing crafts. I am so appreciative of everyone's tutorials that they post here online. I want to make some dry erase boards from some cool frames I've been collecting and I snagged a really great deal on an entire box of white ceramic tiles at a yard sale. I got the whole brand new box (not sure if there's 50 or 100 in there) for $2.00! I want to make some coasters and I have a few good ideas for that.

Tomorrow my goal is to get my cutting table sorted so that I have NO excuses to get started. I look forward to showing off my finished products SOON!

Saturday, July 2, 2011

Winds of Change

I know that I have been silent for some time. My life has been going through a lot of change but one of the biggest and most unexpected was the loss of my 15 year old son. On June 15th, at 2am in the morning, he suffered an acute asthma attack in his sleep which led to respitory arrest which ended with cardiac arrest. Try as they may, the paramedics and doctors were unable to bring him back. The words that no mother should ever hear rocked my world. We had such a special bond and I never knew that I could hurt this much. He had so much potential and was taking all honours classes next year as he said he needed to buckle down and get serious about college. He cared about so many and hated when people hurt. And funny..... he was SO funny. I've never met anyone so quick witted that could hurl comebacks that made you laugh til you cried. I visit him every day to make sure nothing has happened to him. I suppose it's like checking in on him once he fell asleep. No matter how old he got I still needed to make sure he was ok. Now it's time to find a purpose in life since my life was being his mother. I have an older daughter who is 19 but she has always been a free spirit and yes, she needs me but not in the same way. So I sit here missing his big brown eyes, his boyish smile, the way he'd come down the stairs and put his hand in mine never saying a word just hold my hand, his amazing sense of humor and the way he loved me.

As I have grieved, two of the notices for this year's craft fairs have come in the mail. If anything they will maybe jump start my sewing again and give me something to keep my mind off things. I haven't done any sewing in so long I probably will have to relearn! I did however order a walking foot and it came in the mail today. I'm hoping it helps me with my Minky sewing. It's been giving me such hassle the last few times I've tried. I made a baby shower gift for one of my best friends but I was upset how it turned out. Maybe I'll make another one if the walking foot makes a big difference.

I leave you with a photo of my handsome son who was taken too soon. I love you Boo.

Sunday, May 15, 2011

Randomness

I need to remember that this blog is not just for my sewing but about life in general. I haven't sewn in quite some time and I need to get motivated but for some reason or another I keep getting sidetracked and never get to it.

I went to my family doctor for one of my 6 week check ups and discussed the new treatment with him. I suppose I needed his approval before I felt like it was going to be a good idea. He seemed very pleased and excited for me and has high hopes that this is going to be the answer. I do have an appointment this week to see a surgeon about the umbilical hernia I have as that needs to be taken care of before I can start the Remicade. I've been feeling pretty good for the most part the last two weeks and trying to get a lot done. I've been unpacking boxes that have sat for the last three years since we moved in here. My mentality for the most part has been that if I haven't needed it in the last three years then I probably don't need it now.

My daughter is 19 and finally got her first job. I'm a bad mom I suppose as I've never pushed her until now. While she was in school I rather that she studied as she had a harder time than most. I'm proud of her though and she is really loving it. I was worried about her being able to do it, I will admit but she has proven me wrong and I'm pleased! She said to me last night that she feels really good about herself when she comes home at night and feels like she's accomplished something. I think this is going to be the road to her self confidence and having ambition to do something with her life.

Spring is here but I wish it would just stay decently warm. One day it's 70 then the next it's only 50. The grass is growing and we still don't have a lawnmower. Hopefully we can find someone to help us mow before it turns into a jungle like last year.

For some random cuteness here's my lovelies


Love, love, love my babies!!!!!!!!

Saturday, April 30, 2011

Two days of Yard Sales

Our community yard sales were this weekend and I am all shopped out. I found some great bargains and am VERY excited about three of them. My camera is MIA so I will just tell you about them and post photos later once I start on the projects with them.

First off my most favorite is a new cutting table! I currently use a smaller kitchen table that we had extra. I kept running out of room while trying to cut sometimes. This is an awesome table with a tempered glass top. This needs nothing done to it at this time but is my favorite find of the weekend.

Secondly I found an antique telephone table. I want to recover the cushion and maybe try to stain the rest OR just leave it as is. I haven't decided yet so I'll wait til I figure out what fabric I'm going to use for the cushion and let that decide what else. It was only $15.00 so I think once I fix it up a little I can easily sell it at the antique store and make some money.

Thirdly, I found a vintage hanging cradle for $10.00, one of my best friends is pregant and really wanted it but they life in a smaller house and it wasn't going to fit so I bought it and was going to put it in the antique store but I want to save it for when one of my children has a baby. I think I will use some vintage fabric to make a bed set for it and make it decorative until it is time to actually use it.

I need to get my butt in gear because I am hosting a baby shower for same said friend this next Saturday, May 7th. I'm trying to make some of it a surprise since she is not the surprise type and it's probably driving her crazy. I have most of the food decided and I still have to finish one gift. I can't show photos til afterwards since she reads my blog.

Bed will be early tonight! I am doing a flea market in the morning as well and have to meet my partner in crime (Roger, the owner of the antique store where I rent a booth) at 6:30am. This is our first Sunday of doing this so here's hoping for lots of customers and many sales! It's supposed to be sunny and 70 and I couldn't be happier.

Thursday, April 28, 2011

Light at the end of the tunnel

I've decided to share this on my blog as my fight against Sarcoidosis has affected all aspects of my life. My ability to cook, sew, clean, shop.... everything.


Many of you have been with me through my journey the last three years as I've gone through treatment for my Sarcoidosis, but many of you are new to my life. Therefore, I will do a brief beginning to explain to some and if you want to skip it you may :)
A little over three years ago I was diagnosed with Sarcoidosis. A silent, auto-immune disease that has wrecked havoc on my body, my mind and my poor family. What was supposed to be a year long treatment has turned into three and a half and I am still not in remission. Sarcoidosis is never "cured" but made dormant til it rears it's ugly head again and then you get to start treatment for it again. Many have no idea of the illness itself as many of the articles make it seem fairly insignificant and this can be true for some. Unfortunately, I have a chronic case that they cannot get under control. I try to not complain about how it affects me day to day. If I did, many of you might make excuses to keep your distance for fear of having to hear my whines constantly. When you see me, I am not ok. I AM in severe pain. I have trouble breathing. My mental state is such that I can cry at the drop of a dime. I want to give up. I can't take it anymore. I've even wanted to die. Now that is just from the Sarcoidosis, the problems of long term steroid (Prednisone) use also make the illness ridiculous. I won't bore you with that also. Instead though, I keep it inside, put on my smile and try to be Superwoman. It's easier that way.

Fast forward to a month and a half ago. I went to my family doctor for my 6 week standing appointment and tell him about the pain in my fingers and toes. It's becoming unbearable and I'm worried that because I am at the end of my treatment time frame for this one that everything is flaring back up and I will have to start over again. I can barely write with a pen or pencil with my right hand because of my thumb joint and on my left hand my fingers hurt so bad I'm in tears by the end of the night. The joints in my toes hurt so bad that it hurts to walk so I end up looking like some old person who needs a walker. He feels that I may have ANOTHER auto-immune disease working against my body alongside the Sarcoidosis. ERM WHAT!?!?!? Lucky me. Even luckier, the new specialist (Rheumatologist) can't see me for a month and a half. Here's some Vicodin for the pain. Yay! (not)

(Skip all the whining for the last month and a half)

Yesterday I have my appointment with the specialist. She's a really nice woman, young, very caring, didn't push me out of the office quickly, she listened and was caring. We talked, she asked questions and lo and behold, I have another auto-immune disease which oddly enough can attack your joints. Apparently I have Psoriasis (I've had spots on my hands and fingers for the last few months that peel off, hurt like hell because they are raw then heal over) and the Psoriasis is causing Psoriatic Arthritis which is what is making my fingers and toes hurt so much.

What are we going to do about it?? Well, there is light at the end of my long, long tunnel I tell you! Once my insurance company approves the drug Remicade (she's not had anyone refused yet) I will begin on a 2 hour long IV infusion of this new drug. I will have the first one, then two weeks later the second one, then 4 weeks later the third one. After that, every 8 weeks I will go to Arnot Ogden in Elmira for the 2 hour IV infusion which will be for the rest of my life. The upside is, this should put my Sarcoidosis into remission (forever! as long as I'm doing the infusion) AND take care of the Psoriatic Arthritis. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAND this is the drug that is going to get me off the Prednisone!!! It will work in conjunction with one of my other medications which I will continue to take but they in no way have the side effects and do the damage to my body that the steroids do.

What does this mean for me?? I GET MY LIFE BACK! Once off the steroids my diabetes will go away (already known that it is steroid induced), so say goodbye to two medications I take for that daily. My blood pressure will go down, say goodbye to three medications I take for that. I can start to lose the 100 pounds I've put on over the three years of taking the steroids WOOT! The puffy face and water retention will go away. I'll feel like moving, I'll have energy to do things. I won't need 2 naps a day on top of sleeping all night. I will be able to clean my house, do things with my family, I can even go back to work!

I do find it a little odd to be excited about being plugged up to an IV for 2 hours ever eight weeks for the rest of my life but, it seems like such a small trade off to get rid of the steroids.

Roid Rage" and yes people it IS real. When I've hid things from you all, my poor husband has gotten the brunt of it. He has dealt with my inability to be a good housewife, a loving wife, a fun wife and many other things. I don't know that I could have gotten through this without him by my side and I thank him from the bottom of my heart.

To my friends, you also have had to deal with my last minute ditching you, my occasional pity party and not feeling like coming out to play. I also thank you for sticking by me, for being there for me, for listening to me and for loving me. I am so lucky to have such a support group and you have all been instrumental in getting me to this point. In 5-6 months I should be in a place that I am feeling better and seeing results and on my way to being even more awesome :) I know it's hard to believe that I can be even more awesome but believe it baby! BRIDGETTE IS BACK!

Sunday, March 20, 2011

This, That and the Other Thing

Wow, I need to be more consistent with blogging. Things have been hectic and I've been doing lots of things to talk about but I don't take the time to sit down and do it. Here's hoping I get on the right track!

I have finally organized my sewing area so tomorrow will see me actually sewing. I NEED to get some projects done or having a place at a co-op is pretty useless in the sense of paying monthly to be there. On another note I went to Walmart and found that they had their Garanimal shirts on clearance for $1.00 so I picked up a bunch to applique for my different shops. At that price how could you pass it up, right??

Yesterday I went to a few estate sales and yard sales to find some items for my antique stall at another co-op I'm a part of. As per the norm I find things that I love but then don't want to part with. One is a large ceramic turtle with a snail on his back and another is a chest that I was going to resell but the more I thought about it I think I might paint it and recover the top of it and use it for fabric I have that doesn't get used as often as other types like my upholstry fabric and more vintage fabric.

Today I went shopping with a friend who is just getting started on Etsy. We went to Joann's and I actually did NOT buy any fabric. I went with a mental list of what I needed for a few projects I was thinking of. I got a roll of corkboard and a jar of chalkboard paint and that's it! I was so amazed but I did have to talk myself out of fabric several times but held fast to not buying any. We also hit up Old Navy where I bought three shirts that were on clearance for 97 cents to make arm warmers out of and then to Michael's where I only bought an iron on transfer (clearanced of course) and some pins and one spool of ribbon. That is called will power let me tell you!

Last but not least, I am very excited to have won a felt food giveaway that Are they all yours???? was doing. She gave us three choices and I chose the breakfast set and cannot wait to get it. It is going to my new nephew that my sister is adopting who is 5 years old and autistic. I think this are going to be fabulous for him!

Sunday, March 6, 2011

Woot! Sold my second item on Etsy.

I was very excited to see I've sold another item on Etsy. I am hoping that this will now motivate me to get sewing. I have so many ideas that I want to try as well as get stock piled on the easy projects to sell that I already know. Between my booth at the co-op and Etsy I really need to get working!!!!!!!!! I keep trying to talk myself into it. With all the snow we are getting I doubt the kids will have school tomorrow so my goal is to just work work work on several things.

This is my motivational post to myself. Rah rah rah! Siss Boom Bah!

Saturday, March 5, 2011

Silhouette Electronic Giveaway at The Bragging Mommy

One of the blogs I enjoy reading is The Bragging Mommy The Bragging Mommy Silhouette Giveaway . They are doing a giveaway for a Silhouette Electronic Cutting Tool http://www.silhouetteamerica.com/ and one of the ways I can get entries is to do a post about it on my own blog.

This machine is SO amazing and now that I have found out it can cut fabric I'm thinking I want this rather than the Accuquilt Go Cutter. Decisions....... Decisions.....

I Won!!!

I have a few of my favorite craft/sewing blogs that I follow and quite a few of them do giveaways every once in awhile. Well yesterday I won this give away at Prudent Baby The Prudent Baby Elephant Pattern Giveaway . I am so excited to get this pattern and make one. I already have the recipient in mind and can't wait to see his expression. Now to go pick out the fabrics I'm going to use and wait for it. Squeeeeeeeeee!

Monday, February 28, 2011

No Dear, I did not buy more fabric. Well, maybe a little.

While at Walmart a few days ago I looked at their Valentine's Day fabric to see if they had it marked down. To my delight it was..... are you sitting down???? ......... $0.74 a YARD!!!! My husband though steered me away and reminded me of the piles of fabric I've bought at Joann's over the last few months at their 1/2 off clearance sales. He claims I have a fabric addiction. Can you believe that?? I tried to reason with him and tell him that since I make things to sell that buying it at a very cheap price gives me more of a profit! He wasn't buying it though so we left. The next day my daughter needed to go to Walmart so of course I offered to take her. I snuck into the fabric section and snatched up the bolts of fabric that I thought weren't too specific to the holiday and that I could easily use all year round. Here is my bounty! I got 12 1/4 yards for $9.66. How can you pass that up!?!?!


Now I will admit that I do have a slight fabric addiction and I do have piles and piles of fabric I've only just gotten washed and haven't done anything with but I feel a sewingpalooza about to happen!

Monday, February 21, 2011

Tiny Steps

Today has seen me applique 6 onesies (two with ties, two with Minnie Mouse heads and two with hearts). I need to stitch around them but I need to practice first as I've never done it before. Also, I started cutting 6 x 6 squares of minky dot and 100% cotton for some sensory squares I'm making. They will have ribbons around the outer edges and something crinkly inside. Just trying to widen my variety at the co-op. Photos once they are finished.

Dinner was amazing! Using my favorite site for finding recipes I decided on this one for tonight Slow-Cooker-Italian-Chicken-Alfredo . Everyone loved it and hubby is looking forward to it for lunch tomorrow. Yay for tasty leftovers.

Sunday, February 20, 2011

New Beginnings

A new blog for a new beginning. I have decided to take my love of sewing to the next level and have opened an Etsy store Stitched Sew Sweetly and have rented a space in a local co-op for my sewn items. I'm also hoping these two things will motivate me as I've been very lax in sewing anything. Don't worry however, it hasn't stopped me from buying piles of fabric! This blog is going to follow me and my journey through this thing called life. I love to cook and spend time with my family so I'm sure you'll be hearing about those things as well. I have been going through treatment for an auto immune disease called Sarcoidosis for 3 years now. Normally people have a much shorter treatment process but mine happens to be chronic. Yay me!