Saturday, July 2, 2011

Winds of Change

I know that I have been silent for some time. My life has been going through a lot of change but one of the biggest and most unexpected was the loss of my 15 year old son. On June 15th, at 2am in the morning, he suffered an acute asthma attack in his sleep which led to respitory arrest which ended with cardiac arrest. Try as they may, the paramedics and doctors were unable to bring him back. The words that no mother should ever hear rocked my world. We had such a special bond and I never knew that I could hurt this much. He had so much potential and was taking all honours classes next year as he said he needed to buckle down and get serious about college. He cared about so many and hated when people hurt. And funny..... he was SO funny. I've never met anyone so quick witted that could hurl comebacks that made you laugh til you cried. I visit him every day to make sure nothing has happened to him. I suppose it's like checking in on him once he fell asleep. No matter how old he got I still needed to make sure he was ok. Now it's time to find a purpose in life since my life was being his mother. I have an older daughter who is 19 but she has always been a free spirit and yes, she needs me but not in the same way. So I sit here missing his big brown eyes, his boyish smile, the way he'd come down the stairs and put his hand in mine never saying a word just hold my hand, his amazing sense of humor and the way he loved me.

As I have grieved, two of the notices for this year's craft fairs have come in the mail. If anything they will maybe jump start my sewing again and give me something to keep my mind off things. I haven't done any sewing in so long I probably will have to relearn! I did however order a walking foot and it came in the mail today. I'm hoping it helps me with my Minky sewing. It's been giving me such hassle the last few times I've tried. I made a baby shower gift for one of my best friends but I was upset how it turned out. Maybe I'll make another one if the walking foot makes a big difference.

I leave you with a photo of my handsome son who was taken too soon. I love you Boo.