Bad, Bad, Blogger....

I am so not able to post all the time. Well, truthfully, I have the time but sometimes I wonder if anyone will really care what I have to say :)

Lots has been brewing over the last two months since I've written. We've worked at rallying around my mom after my father's death. I worry about her and she spent a good two months really trying to figure out how to be alone but this past week things have clicked for her and she is back to making jewelry to use up some of her free time. I'm hoping with a new focus she'll do better than she has been. We have a vendor event on Saturday so that gives us something to work towards. Her with her jewelry and me to sew.

June 15th, 2012 marked the one year anniversary of my son's death. The weeks leading up to it were full of emotion and my mom took me on an overnight shopping trip on the day of. We spent the day laughing and joking around and a lot of time reminiscing about my Boo. I thought after the anniversary passed I would find myself able to move forward again but the last few weeks have really been hard. I miss him so much and the tears flow freely almost every day. I'll get there I know but some days I really wonder. This is the poem I wrote for the anniversary:

Kyle B. Lenhardt - 10/22/95 - 6/15/11

It's been one year that you've been gone,

one year of many tears.

Your big brown eyes and contagious laughter

we've missed every single day.

The world went on as we stood still,

watching full of wonder.

It took some time to understand

that there would be no answers.

One day I was your mother, taking care of you

then suddenly, there I stood,

I was without a clue.

My heart aches at the things that I will miss

that others take for granted.

What I wouldn't give, for one more day with you.

I'd hold you close, I'd kiss your cheek

and never let you go.

I know that you are out there,

watching over me.

A hand upon my shoulder,

I wish that I could feel.

For now I hold your memory close

I talk, I laugh, I cry.

My love still grows for you each day

as if you were still here.

I need to get sewing for Saturday so I will leave you with my dinner for this evening. We loved this recipe so much the first time we had it and I made it exactly as she has posted. It looks not so appetizing but it is DELISH! So stop on over at The Cutting Edge of Ordinary and try her Cowboy Casserole. 

I "Heart" Pinterest

Pinterest consumes many people's waking moments, mine included. It just amazes me the things you can find on there. Tonight for dinner we tried a recipe from there and also one from Allrecipes  which is  my favorite recipe site ever.

The Pinterest part of dinner came to us from over at Dinners and Dreams and it was marinated mushroom skewers. Now I had to make one of the ingredients for the marinade and I may have not divided stuff right and it was too hot but my husband really loved them. Next time I double the recipe I'll not double the harissa. He dipped them in Ranch dressing to cool them down a bit but he ate them all before going for his second piece of chicken so that's how I knew it was a keeper. Our marinade for the chicken is here at Allrecipes. I didn't have red wine vinegar but did have white wine vinegar so I winged it and used what I had. It was SO good! The recipe made quite a bit so I saved the extra for the next time.

In trying to move forward with my plan to do more craft fairs and vendor fairs I worked off and on all day today on building up my inventory for such things. I am very pleased with what I got done and it is really motivating me to be consistent. I still had a fairly lazy Sunday and relaxed but also was productive and made a yummy dinner. GO ME!

First Spring Craft Fair

I have done several Christmas time craft fairs but decided this year to try something new. My items don't tend to be just for the holidays or holiday themed so I figured why not? This venue only charged $10.00 a table and it was their first Spring Craft Fair ever. They had 30 vendors and I thought that was pretty decent. The attendance numbers were huge but I sell quite a few things and was quite pleased at the outcome. I am not encouraged more to sew and to search around for other opportunities. They do a summer event that is quite large and has been going on for a few years, they have a huge craft fair/vendors and a car show, it's called their Summer Jubilee, and has a large turn out I'm told. I've already signed up for that, it's in July.

On the Remicade front, my insurance has denied me being able to use this drug as I haven't used the daily injection routine first so I am working on getting that started. Not that I'm overly excited about the prospect of stabbing myself every day and hoping it works but I am wanting to get off the steroids due to the decline in my health in other areas from taking them for 4 years. My main goal at this point is to say goodbye to the prednisone which will then allow me to lose the weight I've put on during this treatment and say goodbye to the diabetes (we know this is steroid induced) and the high blood pressure. Hopefully we can also turn around the osteoporosis that is occurring. One drug to fight the Sarcoidosis brings on 10 other health problems. How does that work!?!!? At least we are on the path to getting me healthier.

Belated News

I've been MIA this time due to my step-father's passing. April 5th, 2012 he decided it was time to go. He fought a long hard fight and kept his sense of humor and love for us all until the end. With the help of our local Hospice we were able to keep him at home, surrounded by his loved ones until the very end. I am proud of the work we did together to make that happen and do not regret a day of it. He's with  my son now. Neither of them is struggling to breath and I just know they are doing all the things they never got to do here and they are happy. I just know it. This past year has shown us great loss, much love and a family strength I don't think we knew we had. As we move forward, I hope we don't lose sight of those things.

Take care of my boy, "Poppy"

My First Project Without a Pattern

Normally I troll the internet stealing other's ideas and tutorials to try another day, but a few weeks ago my mother asked me to come up with something for my step-dad. He is pretty much confined to a hospital bed in the living room and spends the majority of his time on his hands and knees as that is how he can breath best. He is starting to get sores so I came up with some pads using super soft minky on the inside against his skin and a nice manly lodge print on the outside using velcro to keep them on. It was a simple process but even so I am extremely proud of myself for figuring this out without using someone else's prototype.

It turns out however that I need to make the leg ones longer but that's ok as I'll make 4 longer ones and then they'll have two sets so they can wash them. It felt really good to do this on my own and to help my step-dad.

Peter Pan Tile Coasters

I think I may be OCD. If something isn't perfect then I don't want to do something half baked. My sewing room still isn't unpacked and organized and because of that I don't want do anything in it, not sewing, not crafting, NOTHING. Now my mind tells me no but my heart wants to craft or sew. I've been pinning things endlessly on Pinterest and am dying to try some of the things I've never had time to do.

Well yesterday I bit the bullet and packed up the things I would need to do some tile coasters and took them to my mom's house to do while I watched over my step-dad. Why should I spend the whole day doing nothing?? The first set I made a few boo-boos . There are several tutorials out there all you have to do is search for them. The one I used yesterday was this one from Blueprint Crafts and after my mistakes actually read the whole thing (cough) and worked on my next set. I'm so excited because I got an entire BOX of tiles for $2.00 at a yard sale last summer and had started picking up a few children's books for about 10 cents that I wanted to use. I LOVE being thrifty. This set is for my daughter Jordayn who is now 20 and in August is moving into an apartment with a friend when said friend goes to college. When she was little she was going to marry Peter Pan. Now you couldn't tell her anything different, she'd put her hand on her hip and stomp her little foot and tell you that yes she WAS going to marry Peter Pan! I cut out the scenes I wanted to use for this and voila!

Now these are in varying stages of drying so they aren't done yet and I don't have a photo of finished project yet because I need to put the sealer on them but her squee of delight was all this mommy needed. She says she doesn't think she can put drinks on them and I told her she could just display them if she wanted hehe. I think you could easily put a hanger on the back of these and hang them on a child's wall, just another idea?

I'm already working on a new project today :) I'll share later!

My New Favorite Friend

Ok so my new favorite blog to find recipes is How Sweet It Is. Last night's dinner came from her as well! Baked Buffalo Chicken Pasta was a hit! I made a double batch as we had company and there wasn't a noodle left! The cheese sauce was nice and would make a nice variation without the buffalo wing sauce if we wanted but made as directed was excellent! We'll definitely be making that again. No photo this time, everyone dug in too quickly.

I'm going to try to sew today, we'll see if that actually happens :) Lots of ideas from lots of great sources so here's hoping I can fit some in. I might try to bring a project down that I can do in front of the TV tonight. I've been trying to keep everything in my sewing/craft room and not clutter the house since we've moved but I find that I'm not able to get as much done that way either. I suppose if I take care of things straight away the next morning I won't feel like I'm making a mess.

Happy Valentine's Day

Today isn't a huge holiday for us. We've been on such a tight budget for the last few years so to buy something that isn't necessary isn't on our list of things to do. Don't get me wrong, we told each other we loved one another but other than that it's just another day.

I have been spending a lot of time pinning things on Pinterest and it  is normally my MO to always save lots of ideas to favorites or whatever and never make them, be it a craft idea or recipe. I think part of that is because I try to do too much all at once. Rather than try one recipe a night I try to make a main dish, side dish and dessert all new on the same evening then get overwhelmed and flake out. Last night I decided to start simple and made Crispy Parmesan Asparagus Sticks from How Sweet It Is. I've never had asparagus before and thought I'd try them. I LOVED this recipe and asparagus!!! I served it with a semi boneless ham and baked potatoes.

I have found quite a few good recipes on her site and look forward to trying more. This one is a keeper in my book!

New Year and Hopefully New Beginnings, Finally

It's been about a month and a half since I last posted. So much has gone on and I guess I needed to get through these first holidays without my son. Since my last post we have bought a new house and moved. Today we are finishing up at the old house, getting it cleaned and last bits moved out so that we can get it rented. I still have lots to unpack in the new house but once the old is sorted we can get working on the new. In our new house I have an entire sewing/crafting room all to myself and that is going to be where I start organizing. The rest of the house is livable and I need a retreat. Also, I have so many ideas I've pinned on Pinterest and saved to my bookmarks from other blogs I read that I want to try! If you haven't been to Pinterest it is a must see. A fountain of ideas for everything you can think of!

My mornings Monday-Friday are spent helping take care of my Step-Dad. He is in end stage COPD and bed bound with Hospice care. My Mom and sister both work and I stay until my sister gets home from her job that is allowing her to work only half days right now.

My goal for 2012 is to move forward with my life without Kyle, to learn to heal, to laugh, to love without one of my own to take care of. I think the way I will do this is through my sewing and crafting. Who knows, maybe I can turn it into a business :) Blogging about these adventures is going to be a part of all that and I am going to make a huge effort to do more of it!

P.S. I found Silhouette vinyl at Hobby Lobby!!! I didn't check to see if they had other products in the Silhouette line but I will look next time I go and have more time. I'm really excited about this to not have to pay shipping. I want to say it was a 9"x10' roll for $7.99 and to use coupons???? WOOT!

A Contest from Times of Old Creations!

A friend of mine has been selling primitives on Etsy now for a few years but has started a new venture. She has opened an Ebay store and is having a giveaway for one of the gorgeous ornaments she has available. She is giving away three of them so get on over to her blog Times of Old Creations and get signed up! Her store has some really cute things in it and just in time for Christmas shopping :)

First Craft Fair 2011

So yesterday we had our first craft fair of the season. What a crappy day. First off they put our table in a room opposite the direction of the big room and there were only two of us in that room as vendors. Everyone paid and went right never looking our way. On their way out, after doing their double and triple runs through the big room, they saw us on the way out. In their mind though they were already done shopping :(

I did ok and it was worth my time. I wish I had been more prepared though as at 3pm the night before I had not ONE finished product haha. I stayed up all night with NO sleep and got a bunch of things done. I was able to whip up 15 bibs, 15 burp cloths, 6 packs of heart shaped and other shaped crayons (6 to a pack) and I made a tagged toy with a squeaker for babies with flannel and minky which was a spur of the moment idea but I got 6 done and only came home with 2 of those. Guess what I'll be making more of!?!?  My mom makes jewelry and she was pretty disappointed but I told her the next one will be amazing and I hope she's not too discouraged. I also told her Etsy is going to be a great place for her things after the holidays. My other friend Missy who normally blows out of her rice bags and coasters only sold one of each. I don't think we'll do that fair again next year.

We have to get ready now for November 12th at Morris and November 19th in Galeton and the big one on December 3rd for Wellsboro's Dicken's of a Christmas. Did I mention I'm moving in the middle of all this?!?!? What a wild ride the next month will be.

Happy 16th Birthday Kyle

Sixteen years ago today, you came into this world

Without a breath, without a cry

Who knew you’d leave the same

I held your hand, I watched you grow

Dried your tears and held you near

You’d sleep with me when you were scared

Your fears safely held at bay

Those big brown eyes, that boyish smile

Captured your Momma’s heart

Your dreams were big, your goals thought out

You’d only just begun

Today was supposed to be, your favorite birthday of all

A car from Dad, silly gifts from mom and money from your Grandma

Peanut butter frosted brownies that only someone who loves you can make

Instead….

Balloons at the cemetery, words of love and sadness

A family gathers to remember a boy just becoming a man

Taken too soon, loved SO much

Forgotten never

Sew Little Time

My days are full....... just plain full.

We are definitely buying the new house so I have been working tirelessly to go through everything we have in this huge house and down sizing immensely. I'm glad our closing isn't until November 23rd because I'm going to need all the time I can get. I've had to go through a lot of Kyle's things, deciding what to keep. Sometimes it's the silliest things that I can't part with but I just go with what my heart tells me. I still haven't touched his room but that will come in time.

While I'm trying to pack I am also sewing. Our first craft fair is October 29th and I am not ready in the least. I have a lot of things cut out and pinned together I just need to make a schedule for myself I think of what I'm doing when to make time for everything.

My Sarcoidosis is back out of remission. Only 3 months was all it could muster to stay hidden. I'm back on 40mg of Prednisone a day to keep it at bay until I can start my new treatment with Remicade. I'm battling a nasty chest cold right now which I may have to break down and go to the doctor for something. I'm not sick anywhere else, no stuffy nose or head but my cough is nasty and my chest rattling. At least the Prednisone keeps the pain from the Psioratic Arthritis at bay as well. Gotta love two auto immune diseases that can be calmed down with the same thing.

Wow, what a downer post!!!! I promise for joy and happiness next time :)

Non Sewing Craft!

Normally I am not creative nor do I even attempt things but today I had a mission.

I wanted to try using spray paint. I admit, I am 40 years old and have never used spray paint. I've read lots of blogs and collected things at the Goodwill and yard sales to use it on but have never really done it. Well, today is the day! I foolishly didn't take before photos but the wire basket and the other pieces were all just plain white and bleh looking. The basket also had a little bit of rust. This is what I did with them!

I think they turned out quite cute if I do say so myself!

The last project I did today was for my son's resting place. I decided I wanted Kyle to have something for Halloween so he'd know I was thinking of him. I used two butternut squash and some white spray paint to make them look like ghosts. I should have used something different but I really had no idea and used a permanent marker for the ghost face. Next time I'll do better :) I'm still happy with them as my first attempt and I took them to the cemetery today with his new mums. This was also my first attempt with the spray paint so I had a lot to learn about dripping and such.

I'm excited to try some new things later on. The basket I got for $1.00 and the flowers and bee I got for $0.75 in a baggie. Now they look brand new!

New Beginnings

Well we've done it. Took the plunge to buy a new house and sell our current home. We signed the papers yesterday for an agreement and now it begins. I'm very excited and really feel I need this new start. It has been very strange looking for a house and not having to include Kyle in the equation but I've talked to him in my head and told him what we've been doing. This house just seems so different now without him and does not have the meaning it used to. I run so many errands I'm rarely home to get housework, sewing, cooking or anything else done. I need a place I don't feel I am running away from to call home.

This one is actually in town. Right now we are 15-20 minutes outside of town so this will save a lot in gas. It also puts us closer to my daughter's job that I'm running her back and forth to as she doesn't have her driver's license yet. My mom lives another 15 minutes the opposite way out of town so it was taking me a half hour to go visit her. Now just a quick trip and I'll be there! I'm very excited about that. Another bonus is that it's on a street that leads to one of the entrances into the cemetery where Kyle lays. I'll be able to just walk to see him each day and it'll be exercise.

It has a nice open plan with 3 bed rooms, 1 1/2 bathrooms, a living room and a study. A nice big kitchen which we can put our stacking washer and dryer in so I don't have to do laundry in the basement. The attic has been done into usable space but not really living space so my husband will put his painting things up there and we can do crafts up there. One of the bedrooms is to be my sewing room. I am SO excited!!! There are quite a few built in features likes shelves, pantry, cupboards in the bedroom, and even a desk in the sewing room. It has a front and back porch, a nice small yard like we want. All we want is enough room for the dogs to go out. No green thumbs in this house! There is a shed in the backyard to put the lawnmower and tools and such. We have a driveway so we don't have to park on the street but there is no garage. We don't mind though.

Now I have to figure out how to sew for craft fairs and pack and organize :)

Goal Two..... Plans Changed!

I was too anxious to get started so I made a new cutting table. I simply got out the card table and set it up in front of the TV and spent ALL weekend cutting! I don't have an exact count but I cut bibs, burp cloths, tagged blankets and tagged toys both front and back AND got them pinned. All I have to do now is sew them assembly line like and should have loads done for this weekend. If I can get them done I am going to do the first craft show with my mother who has been making necklaces and earrings.

Friday I went to a bunch of yard sales looking for some deals and had a great time. I found a sale where there were tables and tables and tables of fabric, boxes of yarn, 100's of free patterns and anything you can think of for crafting. Signs for the fabric said $1.00 a piece so I got a box and filled it up. I got a lot of cute vintage pieces of baby and children's fabric and a few every day vintage pieces. They only charged me $11.00 for the whole box and when I got home I counted 22 pieces of varying sizes of fabric. Probably 90% of them were at least a yard!

I have so many other projects I want to try but I must get some things together that I can sell. Once I get a bulk batch of things I can experiment with all the fun things I've found out in blogland!

Goal One.... Check!

I have a confession to make. I have not sewn since last December. I have bought A LOT of fabric and supplies but have sewn nothing. My poor sewing machine has looked at me as if forsaken but today I cleaned off my sewing table, wiped down my sweet little sewing machine, organized my sewing supplies and set an 8 x 10 photo of my handsome son to the right of my machine. I've spent so much time trying to not be home and around everything that everything has suffered. My house, my cleaning, my hobbies, my family, my poor dogs even. I need to get motivated though because the craft fairs for Christmas are going to be here before I know it and I won't be ready. I can't do that to myself because I enjoy my sewing and I enjoy the people at the fairs. I have also spent a good deal of time looking for other ideas to sew for the fairs and am anxious to try them out as well.

I also want to try out some non-sewing crafts. I am so appreciative of everyone's tutorials that they post here online. I want to make some dry erase boards from some cool frames I've been collecting and I snagged a really great deal on an entire box of white ceramic tiles at a yard sale. I got the whole brand new box (not sure if there's 50 or 100 in there) for $2.00! I want to make some coasters and I have a few good ideas for that.

Tomorrow my goal is to get my cutting table sorted so that I have NO excuses to get started. I look forward to showing off my finished products SOON!

Winds of Change

I know that I have been silent for some time. My life has been going through a lot of change but one of the biggest and most unexpected was the loss of my 15 year old son. On June 15th, at 2am in the morning, he suffered an acute asthma attack in his sleep which led to respitory arrest which ended with cardiac arrest. Try as they may, the paramedics and doctors were unable to bring him back. The words that no mother should ever hear rocked my world. We had such a special bond and I never knew that I could hurt this much. He had so much potential and was taking all honours classes next year as he said he needed to buckle down and get serious about college. He cared about so many and hated when people hurt. And funny..... he was SO funny. I've never met anyone so quick witted that could hurl comebacks that made you laugh til you cried. I visit him every day to make sure nothing has happened to him. I suppose it's like checking in on him once he fell asleep. No matter how old he got I still needed to make sure he was ok. Now it's time to find a purpose in life since my life was being his mother. I have an older daughter who is 19 but she has always been a free spirit and yes, she needs me but not in the same way. So I sit here missing his big brown eyes, his boyish smile, the way he'd come down the stairs and put his hand in mine never saying a word just hold my hand, his amazing sense of humor and the way he loved me.

As I have grieved, two of the notices for this year's craft fairs have come in the mail. If anything they will maybe jump start my sewing again and give me something to keep my mind off things. I haven't done any sewing in so long I probably will have to relearn! I did however order a walking foot and it came in the mail today. I'm hoping it helps me with my Minky sewing. It's been giving me such hassle the last few times I've tried. I made a baby shower gift for one of my best friends but I was upset how it turned out. Maybe I'll make another one if the walking foot makes a big difference.

I leave you with a photo of my handsome son who was taken too soon. I love you Boo.

Randomness

I need to remember that this blog is not just for my sewing but about life in general. I haven't sewn in quite some time and I need to get motivated but for some reason or another I keep getting sidetracked and never get to it.

I went to my family doctor for one of my 6 week check ups and discussed the new treatment with him. I suppose I needed his approval before I felt like it was going to be a good idea. He seemed very pleased and excited for me and has high hopes that this is going to be the answer. I do have an appointment this week to see a surgeon about the umbilical hernia I have as that needs to be taken care of before I can start the Remicade. I've been feeling pretty good for the most part the last two weeks and trying to get a lot done. I've been unpacking boxes that have sat for the last three years since we moved in here. My mentality for the most part has been that if I haven't needed it in the last three years then I probably don't need it now.

My daughter is 19 and finally got her first job. I'm a bad mom I suppose as I've never pushed her until now. While she was in school I rather that she studied as she had a harder time than most. I'm proud of her though and she is really loving it. I was worried about her being able to do it, I will admit but she has proven me wrong and I'm pleased! She said to me last night that she feels really good about herself when she comes home at night and feels like she's accomplished something. I think this is going to be the road to her self confidence and having ambition to do something with her life.

Spring is here but I wish it would just stay decently warm. One day it's 70 then the next it's only 50. The grass is growing and we still don't have a lawnmower. Hopefully we can find someone to help us mow before it turns into a jungle like last year.

For some random cuteness here's my lovelies

Love, love, love my babies!!!!!!!!

Two days of Yard Sales

Our community yard sales were this weekend and I am all shopped out. I found some great bargains and am VERY excited about three of them. My camera is MIA so I will just tell you about them and post photos later once I start on the projects with them.

First off my most favorite is a new cutting table! I currently use a smaller kitchen table that we had extra. I kept running out of room while trying to cut sometimes. This is an awesome table with a tempered glass top. This needs nothing done to it at this time but is my favorite find of the weekend.

Secondly I found an antique telephone table. I want to recover the cushion and maybe try to stain the rest OR just leave it as is. I haven't decided yet so I'll wait til I figure out what fabric I'm going to use for the cushion and let that decide what else. It was only $15.00 so I think once I fix it up a little I can easily sell it at the antique store and make some money.

Thirdly, I found a vintage hanging cradle for $10.00, one of my best friends is pregant and really wanted it but they life in a smaller house and it wasn't going to fit so I bought it and was going to put it in the antique store but I want to save it for when one of my children has a baby. I think I will use some vintage fabric to make a bed set for it and make it decorative until it is time to actually use it.

I need to get my butt in gear because I am hosting a baby shower for same said friend this next Saturday, May 7th. I'm trying to make some of it a surprise since she is not the surprise type and it's probably driving her crazy. I have most of the food decided and I still have to finish one gift. I can't show photos til afterwards since she reads my blog.

Bed will be early tonight! I am doing a flea market in the morning as well and have to meet my partner in crime (Roger, the owner of the antique store where I rent a booth) at 6:30am. This is our first Sunday of doing this so here's hoping for lots of customers and many sales! It's supposed to be sunny and 70 and I couldn't be happier.